worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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