I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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