everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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