Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
