good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
