i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't deserve a penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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