I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
