its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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