The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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