She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
