I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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