the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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