you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Less talking, more tequila
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
