i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize