U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
