Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
