I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
