you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
