This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize