just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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