i already hear my dad disowning me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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