What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize