apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
