I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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