I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
