I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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