dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
