this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
