So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
