A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize