Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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