Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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