Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
