i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
