would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
