I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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