Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
