dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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