I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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