i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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