Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
