i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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