She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
