his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
