***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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