She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize