i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
