There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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