Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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