Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize