I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
