Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
