what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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