i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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