umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
