She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
