Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
