No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
