I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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