i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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