He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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