I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we're so committed to being not committed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
