Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
