Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
