I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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