that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize