If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
