guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
