so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
