dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
