btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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