Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
