I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
