it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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