Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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