Are we in a gay sports bar?
i would punch a child for taco bell
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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