It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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