I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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