I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
